December 23, 2023

Writing this at 7 am, the latest (Or perhaps earliest) time a blog has ever been written.. It's winter break and I'm having a lot of emotions over various subjects! Firstly, 2 days ago I broke up with my partner of 3 years. I've already been fretting about the emotions around this since early November, so actually doing it was greatly relieving and I have felt very good about this decision. However, before I did this, I had some stupid teenaged misbehavior moment with my father, because of how emotionally pent up I was, and I haven't spoken with him since. Its pretty easy when my sleep schedule is so messed up, sleeping at 7 and waking up at 5; I just grab dinner (breakfast), go back to my room and spend the late/early hours of the day perusing whatever I do that day. Ultimately I find it hard to care when I do something stupid that upsets my dad because I do it so infrequently, and its an inevitable part of being a teenager.

I've been on break for 4 days and done a whole lot of fucking nothing :3 As always, it feels good at first, and then you start to feel bad about it. I have also been finding it hard to care about my lack of creative projects since I know it'll be swiftly revived by Christmas. All I asked for this year was a huge pack of paint pens, and once those are in my possession I will be drawing up a storm. We are also getting a pretty fancy keyboard from my dads's mom, a yamaha tyros 3, and that will surely inspire some musicality in me. For now, I'm chilling. Its good to do nothing sometimes!! I can't even bring myself to feel guilt for inactivity anymore, although soon I need to get onto my commission queue again. That'll occur after Christmas, and hopefully be completed before January 9th, when I return to school.

How have I been filling my time then? Well 3 days in a row I partook in 9 hour calls, lasting until 6 am. This is how my sleep schedule got so fucked. Its fun tho, and interesting. All 3 times have been with Skylar and Danny, with some short appearances from Ely or Devin (?). We have discussed many subjects, played a shit ton of lethal company, Danny is mad at how good I am at connect 4, I hear of all the tales of when they used to be roommates, we share a lot of music, etc. The calling streak has ended caus they're both going back to their hometowns for Christmas (they share the same home town) so Skylar had to be responsible & not stay up til 6 am the day of a flight, etc. I enjoy calling so much, it fills such a huge void for someone with minimal irl social interaction. I think I could be socially content forever calling random people on discord if it was multiple times a week (and it has been for months).

Okay, going back to school, whats up with that? Well, this next quarter will be my last for highschool :) I can already tell it will go incredibly quickly, I'll be out of there in notime. From March to May, I will focus solely on taking my college classes. I did the math and I am set to graduate with my associates May 2025, when I'm 18. That surely will look good on any resume to a 4 year; My dad says having an associates at all is basically guaranteed admission to any college in Colorado. I'm a bit torn on my degree. I told my counselor I would pursue sociology, but he forgot in our last appointment, so I could change my mind. But I really enjoy sociology & have already taken classes that complement the degree perfectly. I know I'm smart enough for a STEM degree, and particularly something math based, but I know deep in my soul the humanities call me like no other. I can major in whatever I want too despite a sociology degree, so ultimately the stakes are very low.