November 11, 2023
Hi!! I've been really busy lately, but don't want to abandon this site :3 My schoolwork has ramped up as we reached the middle-end of the semester, and I have some pretty big projects due, but I've also been very social lately. Both irl and online my prospects are very full right now!

The main thing keeping me going right now is the fact I get to graduate in March. That is so so soon, 5 months and I'll be free!! And like 3 weeks of those months are break time, so its more like 4 months of work. Hell yeah. I also qualify for a few scholarships for graduating early & having so much college credit already, so, I'm set for college for the first 2 years basiclly. Hashtag community college. Nah but I'm so excited. Next year too I can take some music classes; I wanted to this semester but they're not apart of my dual enrollment requirements sadly.

Socializing. wow. that is the bulk of my life right now, now that I've gotten into good routines for school. I've just been talking to sooooo many people lately. Its overwhelming!!! I message at least 6 people everyday and thats sooo much Im sorry. I love talking to people but I dont knwo if Im built for th extrovert lifestyle.... Its worse irl when I literally have people competing for me time. Like, a year ago I would NOT imagine I'd ever have to decide between who to hang out with in my free time, I've never had that many options. I do enjoy it all, its just a bit much sometimes. I feel like I don't have time for my hobbies when I'm constantly calling people and hanging out and such.

The other aspect of relationships of course, is upkeep. It is not all smoothsailing! Lately I just worry a lot that people are only around me because they pity me, or they feel bad saying no, and stuff like that. Its kind of irrational, but after having a lot of irl friends who actually did not give a fuck, it feels necessary to wonder. The other part is, I don't really like who I am right now! I think I am very judgemental, and sometimes I say things that I really hope my friends don't internalize. I dunno. I feel really bad about it all right now. We survive and thrive though.